Years ago, a friend tried to set me up at his Christmas party. I had no idea that was his intention or I might have behaved differently. Hell, who am I kidding? Back then I didn’t even know the meaning of the word “restraint.”

Anyway, I distinctly remember being introduced to a strange woman, mentioning crossword puzzles and then hearing  my new friend (yes, we eventually became friends) tell me that I was too intense before walking out of the room. I also remember standing alone in the middle of the kitchen wondering what had just happened.

I think of that event as a watershed moment in my life because it was soon after that I began the long, arduous journey of learning how NOT to take myself so seriously. I also realized that deep conversations should be reserved for people who actually want to “go there.” BUT, those people are few and far between.

You see, deep thinkers…

  • are often misunderstood
  • tend to analyze, and then re-analyze, everything
  • take themselves too seriously (I said it was a journey)
  • wonder why intense conversations make other people so uncomfortable
  • don’t stop thinking… ever
  • get frustrated with small talk
  • don’t understand why others aren’t as self-aware and intuitive
  • are always looking for answers

I’m sure I could list more deep thinker characteristics, but you get the gist.

Others often see deep thinkers as…

  • pretentious
  • aloof
  • self-absorbed
  • impatient
  • too intense (there’s that word again)

I’m sure there are more things I could add to the above bullet list, but I’m not “others.”

I’m me. I’m the one who surprises the psychologist with her personal insight and willingness to open up. I’m the poet, blogger, thought-provoking Facebook poster. I can go from shallow to deep in seconds, but I don’t drown. I bask.

I thrive in the deep end, and I’m okay with that. I’m okay with being alone if the alternative is living a life with someone who can’t “go there” with me. I don’t have to defend myself any longer because I am who I am and who I am is enough.

So, I shall dog paddle my way around the shallow end of the pool when social pressure calls for small talk and general niceties. I’ll tiptoe to the spot where my chin begins to touch the water when topics get more personal or thought-provoking. When I’m alone, I’ll swan dive into the deep end and immerse myself in whatever ideas or feelings consume me at that moment. Yes, that sounds nice.

12.16.2016